Expectations
Everyone has expectations, even those who vehemently seem to deny it: no I do not have any expectations, I will just see where I will arrive…
And some are like me, have loads of expectations who are barely discussed and thus go more of less bare assed into any situation….
This is my way of doing things and I would really not recommend it because it takes a lot of energy out of you, but that raises the question what sort of expectations are you suppose to have….?
I am quite old, but I remember the pre internet time quite easily, it has been part of the longest time of my life. And though you had a lot more free time, it also had quite a few snags.
These days if you come up to just about any snag, you go onto the internet and find an article or even better a video and hey presto you can learn anything you want.
So you can anticipate your expectations a lot more, it seems, or do you? I deal with relationships like most most people do and I find it utterly fascinating how people go into things with loads of over the top expectations who could not even be filled in fantasyland and then are completely disappointed that the whole situation does not come up to par…
The best place to observe expectations is kindergarten or birthdayparties for toddlers, because you then can see expectations on two levels, one of the little ones and one on the parents..
It also shows you who can deal with rejection and who cannot, even though they might do their upmost to hide their feelings, especially in the adult version..
In the toddler version it comes in openly, wants something, might be accepted, wants something more, might still be accepted, wants it all, gets rejected and then you get in most European households a kind of a meltdown.
With European I am not trying to discriminate, but I have realised through my fascination of Asian daily television series, that they have a whole different way of dealing with rejection. With the little I have learned over the years, I have come to somewhat admire and somewhat abhor their way of raising their kids. But there again, who the hell am I, daring to have any comment on their way of raising, it is definitely not like I win any price of mother of the century while raising mine.
I remember living in a close knit community in the province of North Holland trying to raise my twins as good as I could. All around us where a lot of parents trying to do exactly the same as I was doing and seeing that there is not program which you should follow, you raise partly through the way you have been raised, or in lots of cased, exactly the opposite way. You look at your neighbours and you recognize that though they are doing it completely different, the effect they are receiving might well be the same as yours, or not!
You come to family meetings where your elder sister in law will tell you that you are doing it all wrong, that you should do it any other way than you are doing it.. because her kids at this age could already….
I have quite early on realised that every child is completely different from its siblings and thus no child will do it exactly like any other child. That means it will be quite acceptable that your child will walk around with a nappy over the age of two while some will need them even at 3 or 4.
And while we are at it, some kids walk at 6/7/8/9/10 months or whatever and some will walk a lot later and from here on you can drop all your expectations how your life is going to be, because it never will be the way you thought it would be.
Surrounded by loads of ambitious parents, wanting only the best for their kids, I sort of gave up early, there is still a lot of things they should have managed at the age of 4/5/6 etc and they still cannot do, but I have set myself one goal:
Will my child be happy at the age of 30 with his life then??
I hope they will be, because whatever their status will be in life then, this, as far as I am concerned,will be their most important asset: happiness!
I wish you a great day !
