I think most of us have read the story of the 30 day promise in one form or another.
In case you have not, I will give you the outline: a couple who has been together for a long time and the man wants out because he does not love her anymore and the variation of the theme is that he already has someone else whom he fancies….
The challenge given by the wife is that he has to pretend/fake interest in her and showing her ever courtesy he would when they just got married..
When I read it at first, I thought it was an over sentimental piece and also if I remember it right, he had to carry her up in his arms to bed, and knowing my weight then, he would have had to call a haulage company in order to do that.
Though having been married 27 years I very much understood and experienced this sentiment, because at the speed we are living presently it is very easy to lose eachother in the daily routine of life
So there are parts that were an absolute no no, but on the other hand there were quite a few positives too.
So during our marriage whenever we got lost to each other, I used to start doing these simple small courtesies who were mentioned in the story.
We used to acknowledge each other in bed and say good morning to each other, we had to touch if we met up somewhere, during showering or dressing, like while we met in the clothes closet and exchanged our presence in the shower.
We had to touch if we brushed out teeth together and perhaps lean into one another while doing that.
At breakfast we had to touch eachothers hands or even legs, in order to check that the other person was still on the same track as I was, or him, whoever initiated it.
It sounds really simple but quite honestly it is not, it is one of the hardest things to do especially when you have issues with each other.
It takes a lot of courage to take someone hand in your bed, when you know that he really reached out to get his phone.
It is hard to not reach for the phone but take her offered hand and hold it instead.
Although they might sound as small courtesies, the moment you have to start thinking about doing them, it becomes quite hard to dare and initiate it, because our biggest fear, shared by most of the world population is the fear of rejection.
So you have to talk through the rules and your first and foremost rule is,
EXPLAIN ALL THE RULES AND AGREE ON THEM
never a gesture should be rejected
start with small gestures
if the other one does reject your gesture you can look, but cannot ask, it is up to the rejector to explain why (s)he is rejecting you,
Perhaps they have not noticed…or they might feel embarrassed
So you could play it as a game, trying to get as many bonus points as you can, that also means that you have to be super alert to pick up the pointers and be courteous enough to return them in full.
Start simple and show the other what more gestures might become involved.
And get this clear, this sounds like a simple game, but it truly if not.
When you have just fallen in love it is easy to acknowledge everything and making up with kisses but if you have been together for a while, it gets a bit like a routine, which is quite dangerous for any relationship.
The strange part about a relationship is that it is quite often not about sex, well it is and it isn’t, you will find that if you can keep up with the small gestures, sex becomes an added advantage while otherwise it will be a chore.
So start your day off by holding hands before you get up and continue from there
Because personally I have never thought that getting a divorce is the better option……………..
I wish you both a great day and I hope this will improve your relationship and otherwise just keep reading my blogs…
Castricum 25 November 2020