On the line one of my girlfriends, we have known eachother about half a century and while I travelled she married in foreign lands across the big ponds and thus she speaks better English than Dutch.
“You are somewhat of an expert on relationships aren’t you?
I giggle: “well euh hardly seeing as you are already married for almost 50 years with the same guy, I think you are more of an expert than I am!”
And me already three marriages and now one widowhood further.
Ahah, she says, but I feel she is on a roll, so I might as well step into the arena: “So what can I do for you, calling me this morning…
“You know my granddaughter who married last year?”
I profess knowledge, but I have not got a clue, most of my besties keep me well up to date but I am a useless social person, because I forget names quite easily and I cannot recognise faces to save my life!
“Do tell?”, I continue while I am trying to sit up in order to get my concentration going: “something happened to her?”
I am utterly useless trying my search my memory while knowing full well, that that is a lost cause in these circumstances and I dare not use my facebook in case I get distracted and lose the story, which has happened in the past so I know and learned just to listen…
“Well her hubs has dumped a bomb in her lap, he thinks he has lost the “LOVE” feeling and now he wants to go back to his parents house for a couple of months in order to find out if he still loves her sufficiently to stay in the marriage….”
“So what do you think??” is her finishing statement..
Euuhh, well actually a lot, above all that it is a shame he did not think this through before he got married… but she is my bestie and I will show myself for having her back in these confusing times!
“How long have they been married now??”
Well apparently not very long but they have been together since before going to College …
“They are high school sweethearts you know…!”
Euh well obviously not anymore, I am thinking fast and deep, while making soothing noises and stopping my mouth from outing my real thoughts.
I used to think that being married for the umpteenth time gave me a carte blanche to comment on everyones relationship, but through the years you get somewhat wiser.
And in any case, being involved in the relation I am in, keeps me busy enough not to get involved in any relationship other but my own, which is a quite an Olympic archivement for someone like me.
“What is your suggestion??” “You are rather experienced and your hubs was a divorce lawyer, wasn’t he, so you have seen hundreds of cases, surely…?”
When people say this I always think of wine, I have drank loads of different wines, red, rosé, white, champagne but if you ask me which is best, I have no clue because I do not know your taste palet and it takes a lot of study for which I am too lazy.
Also I like a wine from the Lidl as much as I like Bollinger Champagne, so I am rather divers in my taste and I rather not venture for anyone else’ wine.
This works very much the same for relationships, although there are loads of courses and long studies, I have learned through experience that loads of relational experts go very much by their own experiences which are mostly deeply personal and often not adaptable to your relation!
I even almost lost Eric thanks to such an “expert” but thank God my husband was far more clever than that man..
But here is my friend who who expects a cut and dry answer from me, to solve her granddaughter problem..
“Okay, if you feel that you need to say anything at all, I would tell the boy NOT to go and live with his parents, because mum might feel sorry for him and will spoil him to bits this will convince him that his marriage was awful because he had to do some stuff too…”
“I would also suggest that the boy goes and lives in a flat, alone and solves his own dilemma without his mum doing his laundry, probably a quick hoover through the flat and leave some food, so he does not have to cook for himself, because that is what mums mostly do and that is what kids love most about them…
But it will defeat the object of finding out what his (or her) real feelings are and how being in a serious relation fits you….
He also needs to take her on dates and talk endlessly about what irritated him and what irritated her and what worked and what did not!
It will help them to get out of the rut and re-discover lots of things they thought they already knew!
And above all, everyone should NOT get involved while working at it nor spout their opinion, although I am sure that everyone will have one…
And then try to find a fantastic relational therapist in order to repair their relationship further.
Except quite frankly, although I did not tell her this, if and when you fall in love in High School and get married after College or University with your one and only and above all your first, it must be somewhat of a record that your marriage survives at all.
Because knowing that most of us are incredibly curious, I wonder if you have only had one partner, how curious are you to find out if all the others are somewhat the same…
But hey that is just me thinking!
Have a great day !