Hi my darling
Like everything comes to an end, I am finally ready to put you to rest too, You have being stuck on the top shelf in your office, overlooking all the stuff that went in and other stuff that came in again and of which some was taken out again.
It must have been quite frightening thinking that we have taken over your room to move into our new lives, but we needed that and I was very happy for you to oversee it!
Not everything is going to be allright, some things are really going to be very scary… like trying to empty this house and going on to our respective new lives.
Major (our oldest) with wife and child will stay quite near, only 9 km from where we are now, but without you here it might as well be 9000 km. But at the same time, I think it is also a good and right choice, a man should leave his family and go in to the wide world to make his own life.
And he does, very much so, I am so very proud of him even though we also thought he had to earn his living being a lawyer, he is now in his own environment being what he is. And how he holds his own among others!!
And he is still so young, he might work up till he does something he really loves the best, next to cuddling with our granddaughter. Do you look along when I watch her most nights together with Major? Isn’t she adorable and utterly beautiful? The only thing I am worried about is that she might just have Majors and my character: strong willed and bloody loud, well, now he can enjoy looking after someone who has his character, we already did that with him and we actually did not do too bad. He is a nice man with strong opinions and loads of courage!
Minor (our youngest) has got his Batchelor, who would have thought that would ever happen? Well quite honestly, we both did when we saw him pass his hbo-propedeuse, we already knew he would make it. Not the least due to the fact that he has this gorgeous wife getting one 8/10 after another. Cum Lauda Psych. I can hear your comment: huh, she studied one week too long..! We were already proud then and I think you, like me, would have been over the moon seeing him accepting his BA, except for that stupid remark about him living in a camper, for gawd sake! and here I was being terribly proud that they could actually in a gorgeous flat in Noordwijk once we convinced our daughter in law to come and have a look. There again we have been fortunate, but you already knew that!
Now he is going to do his Masters in Potsdam and Dublin, while working for your godchild and his peter. I think we are very lucky that your mum and his started this connection, because they are still very much family to us.
Have you seen our oldest grandchild, is he not utterly gorgeous, I think he is very much a thinker and I can see some of your traits back in him. I will get him my present asap, you’ll see !
So finally I am thrown onto myself, no more kids to look after, just living for myself, euuh and my boyfriend, but as you noticed, he can look quite good after himself too, not really needs me for any basic things and visa versa. I love him, like I loved you once, wholeheartedly and he really reciprocates that back again and again, so I feel very lucky! We are very much living in the now, seeing that we both need that.
I am soon going to put this house up for sale and will only be putting my very new necessities in storage in order to go on to my next stage in life: my travelling! I am planning to finally do what we talked so much about, I will buy a camper and travel around Europe visiting friends and places!
I will make my first round hopefully with that little vixen from next door to our office, because believe it or not, she has bought a camper!! We have not made a plan yet, because I first have to sell the house, finish a lot of other things and only then I will leave….. which made me realise this morning that we have to do something with you….
I am not going to take you with me, nor put you in storage, so I think that when Paul is coming over for mums birthday, Los Ebben will let go of you at different places where you were really happy! We will bury a little in the sand at Bakkum and will lose a bit in Cuyk or even let you wave away from mums flat. I will take a bit into the Somme and leave sprinklings from you here and there and I will sprinkle some in Spain and Portugal, to remind us of our good times!
It will be another goodbye but I think I am doing you a great favour returning to all those places where you were really happy and leaving some of you behind in our garden, and in the dunes in front of us where you loved to walk.
It is going to be quite a journey, a bit our last journey but also a new beginning for me, without your safety wings around me
Funny thing though, I feel you more around me then I ever felt before since you died, so perhaps you are telling me to let you go free..
I hope you are enjoying time with your dad and many others, I will burn a candle for you in every church I come across, because you are part of me and that will never change.
Thank you for being in my life, my love!
10 October 2021