Being widow(er) is something really bizar because while you still love your deceased spouse you are also quite capable of falling in love with someone completely new.
And that is really weird to experience, knowing that you will never stop loving one person, happily having feelings for another.
I think being a widow(er) is foremost trying to live without regrets about the past and that is a really hard thing to do
When you spouse has just died you are always wondering if you did enough for that person:
· loved them enough,
· cared for them enough,
· take enough care of them -enough..
· showed them that you cared enough
and if you are not careful these thoughts will take you up in a loop that will never leave you again, thus preventing you from moving on.
I think myself lucky, we made up the night before from a fight we had through the day and when he came to me complaining that he did not feel right, I hugged and talk while trying to do something about it.
One of the first calls I received after his death was the one of my local doctor: “Colette, I want you to know that you did your upmost for him.
Never even think you did not enough to try and make him live a healthier life. He was a very stubborn man regarding his health!”
And with those words I was absolved of quilt and had the possibility to open up my future.
I will always be in love with Eric, that will never change because our relation can never change anymore.
He has given me my kids and through them my grandchild(ren).
But it also sets me free to fall in love without any guilt with a new love.
And the best of all is, if your new love understands that if you see a tribute to your husband on You Tube, you do cry, not of regret but from love. Not less love for him, just love for the one that passed.
The only thing you need to do as a widow(er), is to find a person who will respect that ever present third party in your life and will adapt accordingly.
And your love for your lost one will not diminish because you have a new love, nor will it change.
But it might take a little more a backseat place in your emotions while getting through your present life.
The one thing no widow(er) will ever need is a guilt trip, because they might think that your grieving period has been to short, because nobody is walking in your shoes.
And if in your surrounding there is this person spinning you a guilt trip, then please get rid of them, because they are trying to force you to stop living and that is not how it should be.
Perhaps it is time for them to look at their own life and be less obsessed with yours…
I am going to meet my love today, I am looking forward to it and yes I might even have sex with him today.
It has only been 6 months today, how dare she??
Well you would know if you had walked in my shoes, not just in the last six months but in all those years before.
Then you would know that Eric and I loved each other to bits, even though living together was sometimes hell.
You would know that we talked about the possibility of losing one another and how we would move on in that unlikely scenario.
I like to think of Eric like I think of God: a wise benign old man who smiles a lot and makes jokes. I think that anyone who ever met Eric, will agree that this sums up quite a bit of his personality.
This lovely man would never pass judgement on me from the place where he is now, so why would anyone else..
Have a great day, I am sure I will too!
Castricum, 20 November 2020