Being what I was, I have seen loads of people saying goodbye to their relationships and their partner and the weird things is, that it is often the women who finally have enough and do not want to be in the relation anymore and as a woman I get that.
Mostly women have been raising the kids and doing most of the household, while having a full time job next to it, while listening to his ranting about the unfairness of the situation he is in..
If you think I am exagerating, than look around, why is it that when the kids grow up, the women think that they have done enough and want out of the relationship….
And when they come to a mediator for instance, the men have a hard time understanding why.
You see, there is mostly one reason prevalant to why a man wants out of his relation and that is because he has already another relation, which is new, fun, sexy and although they will play it down to their (old) partner denying that is the case, it mostly is!
So what happens in mediation: she wants out, at any costs to her, because she feels she has a right to be her own person, except the male partner does not get it, the way it is going is perfect, suitable to him so why change?
Well actually no, it is not, when she comes home, she starts her next shifts, no matter that she has already put in hours at her daily job!
She can than start to tidy up, while making everybody happy, hear everyones story and start the “foodcourt” up, so they can eat after doing the runs to the different sports events.
Picking up after kids while educating them, can and is mostly utterly exhausting job, I know because I have been there!
And then while he is doing “his own thing”, she is still doing the cleaning, washing, drying while thinking that she should really get out more!
And what is surprising, the man never realised that the moaning was really a call for help and when it has become on repeat, a warning that she was getting fairly fed up with it all !
So Mediation or relational therapy is put in, in order to put eachother in line, warning the partner to do more in their relationship and than many a man, seems to be completely surprised by the fact that the wife has her own grievances, which she than throws upon the table and demands a divorce to go through.
Whereafter somebody realises that he made too many wrong turnings and lost the whole lot!
The times that a man was completely taken by surprise are huge!
Than they become all upset and what you see than is mostly very embarrassing! Crying, falling off the chair, hurling himself against a wall, behaviour anyone recognizes in any 3 year child!
And precisely for that reason, that will never work on her, because you see, she has already raised a couple of infants and she is probably only relieved that they have passed that stage.
And because we think that things will never change, we do not bother to try and change…
But how come that people can adapt in their work, start a new skill, learning etcetera, but still think that they cannot change anything in their private life?
I watched a video in awe, because the man, along with his partner cleaned and tidied up, before and after work!
Things that most females still do on het own and I actually admired him for it!
Which is actually quite ridiculous, because while doing all those chores together, they talked their day through etc.
Like my sister in law once said: we wash up together after dinner, so we can have conversation !
So just a piece of advice, do the chores, start doing them without being asked and work meanwhile as near as you can be to your partner so you can even have conversation, talk the day through, hoover, make the bed(s), put stuff in the dishwasher or even clean the windows.
You see that is the nicest way to get to a someones heart, no flowers or chocolates can top that!
Olhão, March 5, 2024